Well, Mom is scared of what the Division of Aging will conclude. She doesn't come right out and say it, you just know because her house is immaculate. Every piece of laundry is done, the floor's been mopped several times - in one day - and the dishes practically jump right out of your hand, get magically washed and dried and returned to their previous location in the blink of an eye. I guess Mom believes that they are checking for cleanliness instead of cognitive function or she's just going back to her childhood where you clean to earn your parent's praise for being so good. If life was only so easy.
I didn't realize how much Mom's perceptions had changed until she took one of those memory tests. One of the questions was to draw a clock. Mom got the outside of the clock okay but she had no idea what to do with the hands. She smashed all the numbers and all the hands - there were more than 2 - to one side. I wonder what she sees when she looks at a clock!
It would be interesting to see where they get the questions for the memory tests. Do they arise from the functions of a specific part of the brain? Are they just things that have been observed over time? Or are they just questions relating to location in time and space? Do they really determine if a person is safe in their own home?
Every individual has coping mechanisms. Mom color coded the locks on her front door. She makes lists of everything she thinks she is going to need: the names of her brothers and sisters and which are deceased and what kids are theirs, or where her money is, or whose house she is living in, …. Mom also leaves things where they will jog her memory. She wrote the 3 most often-called numbers on the little trash can by her chair with a permanent marker like she wished she could permanently etch them on her brain.
Mom is still sneaky. She asks you something when she knows full well the answer and grins when you catch her. She loves her snacks. The nurse forgot her key so she left out a full box of Nutty Bars. Less than 24 hours later, without being locked up, they were gone. Lock boxes serve more than one purpose! It would be kind of fun to see a thief break open the two my mom has if they were ever stolen: Meds and Nutty Bars…. What a combination and definitely not what they would be expecting!
I wish I had the inside scoop on what the Division of Aging wants to see in place. I also wish I knew how much power they actually have to force someone to receive care or move into assisted living. I know my mother really doesn't want either.
I can remember being very young and my mom made a comment that I would be the one to send her to a nursing home. I don't know why she made it; she always just said I seemed all business and didn't show much emotion, but that comment has stuck with me my whole life. I KNOW she would rather die from an accident at home than live in a nursing home because she has repeated that over and over and I am trying to respect her wishes. I am not sure how much longer this is going to be possible. I am praying for a miracle.
What a sobering reading experience, Deb. Your ability to bring your audience to the table with your Mom and her experience with the clock, was heart wrenching. Time. Yes, I too wondered as I read your recounting of her actions with the "numbers," and "hands," what do they represent. What is she thinking as she looks at the empty face of the clock. The old mantra we all chant as we age quickly comes to mind, "Where does the time go?" Perhaps this is but one of many things a clock is representative of to one in such a fragile state of being.
ReplyDeleteI adore her continued playful mannerisms that she continues to exhibit with those around her. The little reminder notes and numbers she leaves are perhaps as much for you as they are for her. I also have a great deal of respect for you, as a daughter, I cannot begin to fathom the heartbreaking memories this is creating for you, compounded by the echoing words from your youth.
Blessings and continued prayers for your "miracle."
Wow, Deb, that last section about your mom's prediction about you was very "sobering" (to borrow Roxanne's phrase). I can't imagine how hard it must be to be the one who has to be the adult, who has to be reasonable, who has to think of the long term good. I don't know anything about the Division of Aging, either, and I also feel for you and the financial problems that go with a decision for more directed care. It's a horrible business all around. You are handling it with such grace. I really think this blog would be so helpful for people to read. Maybe even for med students who are planning to go into geriatrics. Wow. Thank you for sharing with such start honestly and yet with kindness.
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