It doesn't take much to disrupt Mom's schedule. Change a meal time, don't call in the morning, run out of detergent, move the chair, …. It doesn't take much and Mom's equilibrium tips out of balance. Then she gets scared. She starts off with the paranoia. She wonders who everyone is. She starts to think I am her sister. She thinks someone is breaking in. The list goes on and on.
Mom wants so much to fit in. She has to have something to talk about. Consequently, she starts to tell you the same story over and over. I, unfortunately, am a get -it-done person and this retelling drives me up a wall. I have to find my own means of coping instead of losing my temper for something that is not Mom's fault. I do puzzles while I talk to her. I find that Sudoku calms my mind and helps me mumble answers to keep my Mom happy and engaged. I read - yes, while I talk with her. Reading to her is even better yet. I found a joke book with the joys and tribulations of aging and she seems to enjoy hearing about crazy old men or what ladies will do for fashion. ...OR finally, I give her junk food. With Mom it changes the subject the minute she sees a Nutty Bar. It's ridiculous. Sometimes, I think she knows what she is doing. I think maybe she has me programmed like Pavlov's dogs to get her sweets. She would do almost anything for a Nutty Bar!
Someday, maybe, I will find out who is leading whom but for now I plod on, doing the best I can each day. I guess that's what Mom does, too, come to think of it…..
Your mother is a very lucky woman to have a daughter like you. The words that you speak and the trials and tribulations your emotions must go through continue to reiterate my knowledge of you being a strong soul. God has a plan for each and every one of us, and he gives us assignments and tests our faith everyday. It is incredible to read your blog and hear what your life is like and what you are going through. It amazes me that purely good souls still exist in this otherwise terrible world. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, Nutty Bars are pretty good (in a waxy chocolatey kind of Little Debbie way). I don't know if I blame her. It's good that you have developed some strategies that work for both of you.
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult, this role reversal that seems to happen as we age. As we progress further in years, somehow, our parents are transported back, in many ways. It seems as if they can recall the tiniest of memories from their childhood, yet, they cannot recall what it was they just ate. You are so blessed in many ways, albeit a struggle at times, to get to spend this precious time with your mom, and she too, I am sure, somewhere deep inside . . . is counting her blessing that she has you for a daughter. I shall continue to keep you and her close in prayer.
ReplyDeleteI love your line, "Mom wants so much to fit in. She has to have something to talk about." This really humanizes her and evokes great sympathy in your readers, I think. Isn't it interesting that the best nonfiction--such as in a blog like yours--still really comes alive as a story, with conflicts, characters, and scenes?
ReplyDeleteI like Roxanne's comment above-- the idea that in your mom's true heart of hearts she is so grateful for all that you are doing for her, even if her day-to-day self can't express that feeling.