It doesn't take much to disrupt Mom's schedule. Change a meal time, don't call in the morning, run out of detergent, move the chair, …. It doesn't take much and Mom's equilibrium tips out of balance. Then she gets scared. She starts off with the paranoia. She wonders who everyone is. She starts to think I am her sister. She thinks someone is breaking in. The list goes on and on.

Mom wants so much to fit in. She has to have something to talk about. Consequently, she starts to tell you the same story over and over. I, unfortunately, am a get -it-done person and this retelling drives me up a wall. I have to find my own means of coping instead of losing my temper for something that is not Mom's fault. I do puzzles while I talk to her. I find that Sudoku calms my mind and helps me mumble answers to keep my Mom happy and engaged. I read - yes, while I talk with her. Reading to her is even better yet. I found a joke book with the joys and tribulations of aging and she seems to enjoy hearing about crazy old men or what ladies will do for fashion. ...OR finally, I give her junk food. With Mom it changes the subject the minute she sees a Nutty Bar. It's ridiculous. Sometimes, I think she knows what she is doing. I think maybe she has me programmed like Pavlov's dogs to get her sweets. She would do almost anything for a Nutty Bar!

Someday, maybe, I will find out who is leading whom but for now I plod on, doing the best I can each day. I guess that's what Mom does, too, come to think of it…..

Well, Mom is scared of what the Division of Aging will conclude. She doesn't come right out and say it, you just know because her house is immaculate. Every piece of laundry is done, the floor's been mopped several times - in one day - and the dishes practically jump right out of your hand, get magically washed and dried and returned to their previous location in the blink of an eye. I  guess Mom believes that they are checking for cleanliness instead of cognitive function or she's just going back to her childhood where you clean to earn your parent's praise for being so good. If life was only so easy.

I didn't realize how much Mom's perceptions had changed until she took one of those memory tests. One of the questions was to draw a clock. Mom got the outside of the clock okay but she had no idea what to do with the hands. She smashed all the numbers and all the hands - there were more than 2 - to one side. I wonder what she sees when she looks at a clock!

It would be interesting to see where they get the questions for the memory tests. Do they arise from the functions of a specific part of the brain? Are they just things that have been observed over time? Or are they just questions relating to location in time and space? Do they really determine if a person is safe in their own home?

Every individual has coping mechanisms. Mom color coded the locks on her front door. She makes lists of everything she thinks she is going to need: the names of her brothers and sisters and which are deceased and what kids are theirs, or where her money is,  or whose house she is living in, …. Mom also leaves things where they will jog her memory. She wrote the 3 most often-called numbers on the little trash can by her chair with a permanent marker like she wished she could permanently etch them on her brain.

Mom is still sneaky. She asks you something when she knows full well the answer and grins when you catch her. She loves her snacks. The nurse forgot her key so she left out a full box of Nutty Bars. Less than 24 hours later, without being locked up, they were gone. Lock boxes serve more than one purpose! It would be kind of fun to see a thief break open the two my mom has if they were ever stolen: Meds and Nutty Bars…. What a combination and definitely not what they would be expecting!

I wish I had the inside scoop on what the Division of Aging wants to see in place. I also wish I knew how much power they actually have to force someone to receive care or move into assisted living. I know my mother really doesn't want either.

I can remember being very young and my mom made a comment that I would be the one to send her to a nursing home. I don't know why she made it; she always just said I seemed all business and didn't show much emotion, but that comment has stuck with me my whole life. I KNOW she would rather die from an accident at home than live in a nursing home because she has repeated that over and over and I am trying to respect her wishes. I am not sure how much longer this is going to be possible. I am praying for a miracle.

I have been saying over and over that Mom wouldn't wander but now I am not so sure. I just got off the phone with her. It's 9 AM and she's convinced she's been walking all over St. Joe. I asked her to feel her shoes. They were dry. Then she said she took a bus. I told her bus tours didn't run before 9AM. So now she is convinced she dreamed it all. Somehow I am not so convinced....

I took my temperature again. Normal! Now I just hope it stays that way!

You know there are people that pay to have trips like Mom! They pay a fortune to travel somewhere new every day!

 I wish they would hurry with that protein blocker! I just wish for normal - normal days, normal temps, normal life.

Okay, I haven't been able to see Mom for a week. Even though a nurse has spent more time with her, her routine has been disrupted so she is off. She has called asking for the key to get her mail (I am sure it can wait.) and for the key to get in her crawl space to make sure the furnace isn't flooded by the melting snow. (She's only lived there 50 years and it never has flooded before!) But the worst is that she called the police again and unfortunately, they have had to refer her to the Division of Aging AGAIN. This time they are going to monitor her for two months!

Mom still has her home and a few assets we can't get her to part with so unfortunately, if she is sent to a nursing home, everything will be gone. My mom worked from when she was 15 until she was on Medicare and she always wanted to leave something for her family. Now, she doesn't understand that if she doesn't give some of it to us before she requires care, we won't get anything at all from her estate if she must be cared for elsewhere. She set up a trust in the event of her death but she never considered long term care....

It is so sad. People that don't work or have fun blowing all their money get taken care of by the government and their families don't pay any of the bills. People that work all their lives and save have to give it ALL up for their care at end of life. Doesn't sound like much fun or fair at all.

My sister had metachromatic leukodystrophy and was primarily cared for by my mom. When she died after 40 years of caregiving, the state came in and even tried to take the TV from her room that was purchased by my parents for her use. My sister was tube fed and bedridden for most of those years. You would have thought the state would have been giving my mother a HUGE thank-you instead.  I am sure my folks saved the state a bundle.

Well, I found out that Mom's called 911 about 20 times in the past year alone. The police say they don't mind coming over to check on her but I am not sure how much longer this will fly. We do have a lot of things in place.

• There's a program called Care-Trac that is free through the police department. It helps to locate missing person's by keeping their information on file and having them wear tracker bracelets. Mom's information is on file with them though because of her arthritis, osteoporosis, bunions, and hammertoes, they don't consider her a flight risk and she doesn't wear their bracelet.
• We placed a lock on the crawl space so Mom can't accidentally fall down there.
• Her car does not run. The battery is dead and any keys she finds do not fit the ignition.
• We put a thermostat cover on and set her house temp to a constant 75 degrees.
• Most of her burners do not work and there are no curtains over her stove which is electric.
• Her freezer is stocked with emergency microwavable dinners. Normally someone comes to get her an early meal and someone else comes for a late meal and to give her evening meds.
• To make sure she doesn't overdose, her meds are kept in a security lockbox.
• Her treats are in another lockbox. We ration her sweets because it seems to affect her memory.
• The neighbors are all aware of what is going on.

There is a lot in place. I am just going to be praying it is enough...