I took the Nativity Set out to the garage. Mom said she was glad the family went home because it was awfully cold for them to be outside.  She did say she missed them, though.

It is so frustrating to have mom remember such trivial things like what she likes for breakfast and forget the more important things like who her kids are. Many days now she asks who I am when I call on the phone. Sometimes, she does so when I visit. What's even more sad is that she knows something is happening to her and she tries to keep you from knowing. She says things like "I was just checking to see what you would say…" or laughing when you answer - since then she already has her answer.

Mom has gone way beyond the color coding of her dead bolt and front door lock. She's gone beyond the needing reminders and writing the top 3 called phone numbers on her trash can next to her chair. She's gone beyond not understanding how to turn her TV on and off without the little slip of paper taped above the buttons telling her what to do….

I wish I had a little piece of paper telling me what to do. I do not want to be the person that has to make a decision about her car, the timing for her to move to a nursing home, or finding her gone. I don't want any of it but sometimes we don't get what we want…. so I will continue to be a phone book thief, chief cook and bottle washer, repetitive question answerer, and daughter as long as I can and as long as she is safe because I do love my Mom.

Birthday Surprise

Well, Mom celebrated her 87th. birthday yesterday and she had a very busy day. Her nurse brought her a cake, her son sent her flowers, she got lots of cards and she got a TON of phone calls. Everyone knows how forgetful she is so they called her more than once - friends, children, grandchildren. Shoot - even her bank sent her a card!

The highlight of her birthday - for me - was when we went out to Cheddars to eat. The older Mom gets, the more she flirts and boy, does she flirt. I figured since it was her birthday, I'd at least try to document this for posterity sake but even I didn't know what I was getting into when I asked the waiter if he would mind letting Mom have her picture taken with him. He said yes and moved in to the booth next to her and no sooner had he sat down than my mom KISSED him. I gave him the biggest tip I have ever given - percentage wise. He was a good waiter besides! Hope he considered the kiss a bonus!

I really have to figure out a way to keep mom from being able to sign anything and have it legal. She really wants to help everyone and there's a person that is really behind in their bills that she has already helped so much that the bank alerted me to the situation. It's the same person that took money out of her account without permission and why we had to change her bank account. What a pain. All those phone calls to reset up all her automatic debits and deposits..... And the person that created the huge headache gets nothing!

Mom's still chasing the imaginary bird out the door. About 6 degrees outside and she is still propping her door open to chase out the black flapping creature. She also put a nice floral wreath outside because she said the bird was living in it. I just put it back in the house.

After holiday sales are great. I wait until the treats are 75% or 90% off and stock up. Mom thinks she's won the lottery! Most go in her lock box but just getting something different has to be nice. If it's sugar she loves it. Some of the websites even believe there might be a link between sugar and Alzheimer's. Don't know. Inconclusive. Like she says, she's 86 and deserves to eat what she wants. I agree - just not whole boxes of the sweet stuff at one sitting!

It's a lot of work keeping up with her doctor appointments, checking on her bills, getting her groceries, making sure one meal at least gets eaten, taking care of meds,... Some days I can't believe I have another job.....

Taking care of Mom makes me feel bad most of the time. I get aggravated - know I shouldn't but can't help it but I try really hard to be patient. I also enjoy her company and like doing some things with her. She is so funny. I would have liked to have known her as a kid. She believes I did some days.... but at least she shares what it was like - at least as much as she remembers. It's sad how much gets lost over the years. Some days I really miss her while she is here.

HEALTHY JUNK FOOD???

Well, Mom doesn't eat very much unless it's junk food so I have resorted to purchasing kid meals at Wendy's for her supper which are about the right size. After she finishes with her meat and potato she doesn't feel like eating her apples so they have been piling up. She says they are too hard to chew which may be true with her dentures but I hazard to say it also might be because she is ready for treats.

Anyway, I hate to waste food so I took several packages of apples and put them in a medium saucepan over medium heat. I added a pat of butter, lots of cinnamon, and enough water to keep the bottom of the pan covered and prevent the apples from burning. After what seemed like forever but was probably only about 10-15 minutes with occasional stirring, the apples were tender and seasoned and I placed them in a large bowl and topped them with the free Frosty I got using my key tags.

The dessert was almost like apple pie just no crust and Mom likes that much better than something that seems healthy. It didn't take much time which was okay with me….

Well, it serves me right for not putting away the Nativity Set on the front lawn. Mom thought they were a real family and got upset that they were just sitting in front of her front door. I guess, from her story, she opened her front door and informed them that they would have to leave - that her insurance didn't cover them. She's kind of upset that they haven't moved on....

It doesn't take much to disrupt Mom's schedule. Change a meal time, don't call in the morning, run out of detergent, move the chair, …. It doesn't take much and Mom's equilibrium tips out of balance. Then she gets scared. She starts off with the paranoia. She wonders who everyone is. She starts to think I am her sister. She thinks someone is breaking in. The list goes on and on.

Mom wants so much to fit in. She has to have something to talk about. Consequently, she starts to tell you the same story over and over. I, unfortunately, am a get -it-done person and this retelling drives me up a wall. I have to find my own means of coping instead of losing my temper for something that is not Mom's fault. I do puzzles while I talk to her. I find that Sudoku calms my mind and helps me mumble answers to keep my Mom happy and engaged. I read - yes, while I talk with her. Reading to her is even better yet. I found a joke book with the joys and tribulations of aging and she seems to enjoy hearing about crazy old men or what ladies will do for fashion. ...OR finally, I give her junk food. With Mom it changes the subject the minute she sees a Nutty Bar. It's ridiculous. Sometimes, I think she knows what she is doing. I think maybe she has me programmed like Pavlov's dogs to get her sweets. She would do almost anything for a Nutty Bar!

Someday, maybe, I will find out who is leading whom but for now I plod on, doing the best I can each day. I guess that's what Mom does, too, come to think of it…..

Well, Mom is scared of what the Division of Aging will conclude. She doesn't come right out and say it, you just know because her house is immaculate. Every piece of laundry is done, the floor's been mopped several times - in one day - and the dishes practically jump right out of your hand, get magically washed and dried and returned to their previous location in the blink of an eye. I  guess Mom believes that they are checking for cleanliness instead of cognitive function or she's just going back to her childhood where you clean to earn your parent's praise for being so good. If life was only so easy.

I didn't realize how much Mom's perceptions had changed until she took one of those memory tests. One of the questions was to draw a clock. Mom got the outside of the clock okay but she had no idea what to do with the hands. She smashed all the numbers and all the hands - there were more than 2 - to one side. I wonder what she sees when she looks at a clock!

It would be interesting to see where they get the questions for the memory tests. Do they arise from the functions of a specific part of the brain? Are they just things that have been observed over time? Or are they just questions relating to location in time and space? Do they really determine if a person is safe in their own home?

Every individual has coping mechanisms. Mom color coded the locks on her front door. She makes lists of everything she thinks she is going to need: the names of her brothers and sisters and which are deceased and what kids are theirs, or where her money is,  or whose house she is living in, …. Mom also leaves things where they will jog her memory. She wrote the 3 most often-called numbers on the little trash can by her chair with a permanent marker like she wished she could permanently etch them on her brain.

Mom is still sneaky. She asks you something when she knows full well the answer and grins when you catch her. She loves her snacks. The nurse forgot her key so she left out a full box of Nutty Bars. Less than 24 hours later, without being locked up, they were gone. Lock boxes serve more than one purpose! It would be kind of fun to see a thief break open the two my mom has if they were ever stolen: Meds and Nutty Bars…. What a combination and definitely not what they would be expecting!

I wish I had the inside scoop on what the Division of Aging wants to see in place. I also wish I knew how much power they actually have to force someone to receive care or move into assisted living. I know my mother really doesn't want either.

I can remember being very young and my mom made a comment that I would be the one to send her to a nursing home. I don't know why she made it; she always just said I seemed all business and didn't show much emotion, but that comment has stuck with me my whole life. I KNOW she would rather die from an accident at home than live in a nursing home because she has repeated that over and over and I am trying to respect her wishes. I am not sure how much longer this is going to be possible. I am praying for a miracle.